Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
My dick has a subreddit
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize
