thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
Randomize
