i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
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