What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
Randomize
