forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
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