Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Do you have feelings for this penis?
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
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