Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
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You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
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