I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
