I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
