I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
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