Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
Randomize
