Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
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