If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
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