I think my vagina is haunted
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Randomize
