based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
Randomize
