you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Randomize
