Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
Randomize
