So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
Randomize