my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Randomize
