Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
FIrst one done
How did it go?
I dunno I taled about women being treated wrong and quoted Ice T. So probably a "c"
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Randomize
