Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
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