We need to start having sex underwater more often.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
Randomize
