I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
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