Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
Randomize
