I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Randomize
