Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
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