I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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