so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
if only i could text you this smell
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
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