I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
Randomize
