Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
Randomize
