Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
