My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
Randomize
