I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
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