the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
Randomize
