I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Randomize
