No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
i just google imaged poop.
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
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