just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
I just found puke in my bra..
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
