my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Randomize
