it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
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