If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
Randomize
