'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
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