i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
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