Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
I think I sprained my soul last night
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
Randomize
