So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Randomize
