she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
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