I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
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