I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
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