Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
do you think it i'm gay because i was in a 3 way lastnight?
well not if you dont touch the other dude and concentrate on the chic
what chic?
last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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