great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Randomize
