I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
Randomize
