I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
I cannot find my penis.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
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