this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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