For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
