i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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