don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
