If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
You may now shotgun with the bride
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
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