i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
Randomize
