I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
