my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
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