Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
I am puke
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
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Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
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Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
Sorry about my life...
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
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