$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
