I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
