dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
Randomize
