Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
