god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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