i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
