Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Randomize
