Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Randomize
