go do what you do best...puke behind churches
You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
