areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
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Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
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If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
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