that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
Dignity is for republicans.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
false alarm, still single
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
