I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
Randomize
