dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
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His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
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I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
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