If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
Randomize
