So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
I have aggressive nipples.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
Randomize
