i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
Randomize
