one two three fourrrrnication!
I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
Randomize
