she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
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