I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
Randomize
