We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
