My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
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the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
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Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
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